We all love our children; however, at times, we can become overworked and overwhelmed. We especially owe that to people that reach out in less than normal circumstances. This comment has been overwritten by an open source script to protect this user's privacy. You’ll read these other stories and you won’t stop here. You have to keep going to doctors until someone listens. My wife breastfed all our children but Matthew would never attach which caused an entire different issue with my wife feeling rejected and she went through some depression. We can love our children and hate their behavior, but sometimes the two get entangled. I understand why you got upset, but frankly, your angry out bust scare me. This leaves my 10yo, we'll call him Matthew here. I knew pretty early Matthew was different; I was in the room for the birth of all my children, when Matthew was born he didn't cry at all, he never cried. Reward/punishment it does not matter. How to stop this sad feeling? There are things that can be done. No one is enjoying life. Matthew is 10 now. Both of my parents are incredibly private people. Also many parents make rules for their children, which may not go well with them. The New York Times wrote about how parenting could put you under pressure, as described in Jennifer Senior's first book. When we stopped fighting, he did too. I have a camera system in the house and have atleast not witnessed any kind of inappropriate behavior from any of my other children or guests we have had into our home. I think that is quackery: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_therapy. They don't color inside the lines of life. You can get advice on potty training, talk about breastfeeding, discuss how to get your baby to sleep or ask if that one weird thing your kid does is normal. Many times, parents tend to be strict towards their children and this strictness may sometimes go beyond the limits their children can tolerate. My fiance and I are two different races. Being happier when he's out of the house. A mom is never, ever supposed to admit this, but here goes: I've never liked my child. /r/Parenting is the place to discuss the ins and out as well as ups and downs of child-rearing. We have taken him to a behavior specialist before and she stated he does not really express any behaviors that would indicate that. We have seriously considered that but my biggest fear is the horror stories of abuse that you hear about or the hazings from other kids, "because it's tradition". One summer his troop was having their first overnight camp just at a community park, I went and still tried to get him to participate. They seem to have a number of common issues with your son and it might be very helpful to see things through their point of view. Parents have revealed why they regret becoming parents - with confessions on social media describing parenthood as 'drudgery'. I honestly do not believe he has, we never put them in daycare and we have never allowed overnight sleep-overs at friends because of that fear. Understandibly he has issues with women. This subreddit focuses on actual adoptees rather than parents looking for adoption choices or siblings affected by adoption. Some say they wish their offspring had never even been born. I don't think many parents have been in our situation. Out loud. He did not even flinch, he looked me dead in the eye and said, "stupid daddy." If you look closely, you may realize that disliking your child is more about you than them—because it has to do with your reaction to their behavior. This whole line of thinking is offensive -- not to mention totally wrong. Then me, my husband and his sister had a delightful meal without him. He is just a person that lives here that I provide for. I privately joke with my wife that 5 out 6 is pretty good but honestly I feel like a complete failure as parent with Matthew. My mother used to work for a boys group home for troubled kids. more consequences! I dont want to make this too long winded, but not sure how to capsulize it. There is also a crackpot RAD concept that the OP should avoid like the plague. I freaked out and walked the park and did not find him so I got our and other troop leaders up at 5am and we searched, ended up calling the police. My mother said Matthew was very well behaved, did everything he was asked to without any push-back, and would often do things for her without being asked to like pull weeds from her flower gardens or feed and water her pets. When Matthew wants something he will do anything to get it. My adopted parents divorced a year after they adopted me, and I had a very hard time living with my adopted mom. The older she gets, the bigger, more violent and more manipulative she is. I stood there a bit longer just looking at him thinking how this was him pissing all over the house and knowing I was pushing the dog. You might have to think hard to think of things to say at first, but say them. I hate my children. This really hurts me to actually type this out, I am tearing-up as I write this out knowing that once I hit submit I can't really take it back. One day I come home and flop down on the couch right into a huge puddle of piss, I beat the dog and she was no longer allowed in the house freely. He knows his birthmom, had 'visits' with her up to that point. We welcome anyone from any aspect of an adoption to comment and contribute, but a community for adoptees is our goal. We didn't do too bad; my 19yo is attending Juliard, my 17yo just graduated valedictorian and received a full ride scholarship to Stanford, my 14yo excels at waterpolo and track, my 7yo is the jewel of my eye, she is the sweetest kid and a real daddy's girl, my 4yo is the "baby" and will proably be called baby forever. We decided he would spend the summer with her. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I still had no attachment, and anger turned into frustration and resentment became impatience. The house is thinning out now too with our second getting ready to leave for college so there will be even less competition for attention but he is not acting out for negative or any kind of attention, he is just Matthew. With him gone there was a level of tension that we had just gotten used to with him around that was completely lifted and knowing that he would soon be home I felt the cloud begin baring down again. OK. Come to the kitchen when you want. EDIT: I would just like to add that what I have shared above are extreme examples on a very broad spectrum over a 10 year period and in no way reflect our families day to day life. I adopted my son, when he was 8, he is now 18. Yes, it is psychological. We tell Matthew we love him like we do all our kids, I don't believe I have ever heard him reciprocate and he never hugs/kisses back. Being the only child in a household might give him space to define himself outside of being bad. Whoa partner, Matthew doesn't make you a failure, nor does your kid going to Julliard (congrats) or getting a full ride to Stanford (double congrats) make you a successful parent. In regards to school and church all my kids have gone through the same classes with the same teachers with nothing that would raise an alarm with them. I can’t stop being jealous that my entire birth family has spent their entire lives together and I haven’t even been included . We started with kids early which made life challenging but it was manageable, we have 6 children; 3 boys and 3 girls ranging from ages 19 down to 4. It may not be his solution but I would rather people offer interaction such as this instead of you did "X" wrong. I suggest that you go lurk for awhile at r/aspergers. They're 12 and nine and they are so disrespectful to adults. The thought "I hate my kids" or "I hate my life" alone is nothing to be ashamed of. Don't engage in the fight. 49. Loathing your child. About a week later I went down into the family room and there is Matthew standing on the recliner pissing on it, I was in shock, he just stood there looking at me continuing to pee until he was done. I have suffered from thoughts of suicide all my life, and have yet to receive the help I need. And you are not alone. Reply . So I have to shutter every window because she can’t cope with it. I think this post needs a lot more visibility. I am left questioning myself why did I push for adoption to happen and if my heart is so big how come I am able to hate an innocent small child who already suffered enough before my arrival. I spoke to my fiance, heartbroken, about OP situation and the subsequent child abuse bashing. We have also discussed adopting from Africa, south America and Europe. At 8am my phone rings and it's my wife, I was dreading telling her that I lost our son. Then simply click on your username on Reddit, go to the comments tab, and hit the new OVERWRITE button at the top. A little background; my wife and I were highschool sweethearts and will be married for 20 years this October. As an adoptive parent I am very familiar with the signs since it is not uncommon in our kids, one of my own children had early attachment issues (mostly resolved), and I also have a niece with RAD (the scary form of AD). Our first response to him was always "No," even when it should have been "Yes." There are many people including women who dislike children immensely. My son handled it as well as he could. As with his older brother we got Matthew involved in scouts and baseball; he would never participate, ever. My feelings are never validated. I am not qualified in any way to diagnose, but I read attachment disorder in almost every line of your story. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Later I learned I wasn’t the only adoptive mom who has felt this way. He loves Legos and setting up dominoes to fall. The general idea of getting professional help is a good one. He was in foster care from the age of 2 til when we adopted him. He spent the rest of the day sitting on his bed in his room. I vowed never to physically discipline my children in that manner, and until that day I had never on my own children. Have no connection with my son, when he was perfectly fine he! Frustration and resentment became impatience is negative, there is something missing in your with... Many people including women who dislike children immensely wrote about how parenting i hate my adopted child reddit put under! Sanctimonious mommies and daddies and just broken thinking about this and seeing photos still don ’ t them. Someone listens the past few years I must be a generous soul to rescue two poor little.... 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